How much control does God really have?
I wrote this song in 2009 and it continues to be a reminder
of the joy and blessing that comes when we follow Jesus.
-Enjoy
It was 2003. I had just finished my degree at a ministry school and was starting a year long internship with a church and parachurch ministry. It was the beginning of so much for me. I was glad to be done with college and even more excited about the path that was laid before me. I was working with youth at the church, and guiding backpacking trips with the other ministry. I was sure it would be the best year of my life.
And then it hit, or should I say all of it hit. Even though it was spread out through the year, it felt like I was surrounded by pain and was getting hit with one punch right after the other, and no time to recover.
Let me preface this with something. When I was young, growing up in a conservative church, I always had this question that I would wrestle with from time to time. I wouldn’t say that it plagued me, but it followed me and at times would come to the forefront of my thinking. It was simple, but it was unanswerable by the theologians, sunday school teachers, pastors, and scholars that I had come in contact with.
How much control does God really have?
On one hand, if He doesn’t have control over everything because we are created with a free will, then what is our true promise for protection and provision on this earth? It feels a little bit like we are just hanging out there, and hopefully salvation will make it in time.
Yet, on the other side of the spectrum, if He has control over all the details and happenings here, then is He to blame when things go awry? Did He just miss it, when someone was in a car accident? Or died of cancer? Or suffered abuse?
As a young boy, too young to come up with this question on my own, I remember it looming around me. I would hold it for a moment as if it were a puzzle. Then, realizing I was not able to figure it out, I would put it down and continue moving on.
In 2003, I lost 3 people that were close to my heart within a matter of 4 months. I remember being at the third funeral, and recognizing that the numbness that I felt, that is natural in these situations, wasn’t new, it had become normal to me.
As the year went on, I had multiple other things happen, including: my home church going through an awful church split, a friend totaling my car, losing my license, getting fired from a job and more.
By the end of the year I made this statement to God. “My faith isn’t strong enough to walk me through all of this.” It was the truest statement I could’ve made in that moment, and it was directly connected to that question of, “How much control does God really have?”
And so in my numbness I held God at an arm’s distance. I couldn’t deny His existence. I just realized for the first time, I had no clue who He really was.
And so, while I thought I was walking away from everything. The true God of Love was calling me out of religion.
It was years later. I was spending time talking with Him and the question came back into my mind, but this time, so did the answer.
Now, before I share this with you, please understand something. At the core of this answer is not peace for the troubled heart. It is an invitation to find peace, and to walk through pain holding the hand of the One who is Peace. Your journey with Jesus will only ever be, Your Journey. And how you choose to position your heart and your actions will determine if you are surrendering to Jesus being the One to lead your journey, or if you believe that this life is yours to live the way that you want to.
So, with that said. His response to my question of, “How much control do You really have?”
Was simple and direct. “As much as you give Me.”
I sat there and looked up. “You’re kidding me right? That’s it?”
I couldn’t believe that I was unable to see it before. That whole time I thought that I needed an answer, but what I needed was to change my perspective on the question, so that I could understand the answer. He wanted to answer me, but even if He had, I wouldn’t have been able to understand it. I wasn’t ready to understand where I was off balance until His ordained perfect timing. These are the moments He speaks with such clarity, because finally we are in a place to hear. As it is with most of our journey with Him. He holds the clock, and He understands time from the perspective of the One who created it, whereas we can only understand from the perspective of those who are subject to it.
We have the opportunity to give God all control of our lives. It is not slavery, it is an understanding of the Kingdom and its antithesis, which is this world. If you want to keep having control of your life, than don’t blame God, when He doesn’t stop every situation from causing you pain. It was your choice to hold onto the reins.
And if you have surrendered your life to Him, you will understand the true nature of pain and trial, and it will not be the dread that it is to all who have not.
The question of His control attempts to put Him in a box. He either is all the time or He is not, and then from there we build theologies that are neatly constructed around that answer. But when we spin the question so that it is fluid and calls us to be a part of the answer, then we are ready to not just receive the answer, but to watch it come to life.
My prayer is that your mind be led by your spirit, and not your flesh. That you would revisit your past and heal from the moments that you weren’t surrendered to God. That you would see the pain you experienced and, as a result, the walls that were built between He and you.
It is the time for the walls to be broken down In the Name of Jesus.
Story is one of the most powerful tools in our engagement of ourselves, God and this world. If you connect with this writing, check out The Compass Series. It is a 4 book series that takes the reader on a journey that is sure to release lasting change in their life.